You were my first love.
But we were just kids, and I think I gave you too much responsibility. I wanted you to be a man at 15 years old and I’m sorry for putting that pressure on you. You also put pressure on me. You wanted me to be a strong support system when I didn’t even know how to support you. You made me believe that love at 15 could last. You made me believe that love was perfect and that your first love would be your only. I didn’t know what love was and I know now that you didn’t either. The day my “world” came crashing down is still as vivid in my mind as if it had happened yesterday. You looked me in they eyes and said these four words that no one ever wants to hear…”I never loved you”. And you said it as calm and as nonchalant as one could.
That was the day that I learned that words DO, in fact, hurt. Something else I learned was that you cannot expect a BOY to know how to behave like a MAN. You were just a boy and I was just a girl who had no idea what we wanted in life. I deserved a man and you couldn’t give me that. I know that there was a lot that went on that neither one of us could really control, and I wish I knew that then. I know that I made mistakes also, and that everything wasn’t your fault. I’m sure one day you will be able to give someone what I desperately wanted from you, and I hope for your sake that you do.
I would never wish evil on you because you taught me what heartbreak was, and through that heartbreak I found something very important. I found myself. I found who I wanted to be and what I wanted my life to be like. I found that what I wanted mattered just as much as what my significant other wanted, and that I wasn’t made to just be a support system for someone else’s dreams. I learned that my value wasn’t in what other people thought of me, it was what I thought of myself.
Heartbreak helped me see who I truly was and who I could be. No, you haven’t always been a kind person and I’m sure I haven’t always been one either. You degraded me and that shook me to the core, but I moved on. I got past what you said and what other people said about me and I became a person that I was proud of. (I realize now that a lot of other people played a big role in everything that happened with us, and I blame them as well.)
We’re in our 20s now and I have a MAN who loves me the way I should be loved. He treats me with respect and gives me everything I wanted when I was 15. I am an equal to him and my dreams and hopes matter to him. He’s a MAN not a BOY and I hope some day you’ll be a MAN too. Because you’re not a bad person, you’ve made mistakes like we all have. Your mistakes impacted me in a way I don’t think I’ll ever forget and that’s okay. You deserve to be happy like everyone else. Our past matters because it makes us into who we are today. So I want to say two things to you:
- I’m sorry I was one of the many people who put pressure on you in a way that a 15 year old cannot physically handle.
- Thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart because it taught me so much about myself and what I wanted for my life, and without that heartbreak I wouldn’t have the amazing man that I deserve.
(P.S. Live life the way you want and don’t let anyone try to stop you.)